Proverbs 31:2-3
“What, my son? And what, son of my womb? And what, son of my vows?”
The circle of life is loving deep... And then letting go. “A time to embrace, and a time to
refrain... A time to speak and time to be silent.”
In the midst of pride and celebration, I feel overwhelmed with loss and even sadness.
For with every new beginning, somewhere there is ending.
I have sat in the front row of this life since it's conception. I have witnessed, lived and felt deeply, the joys of it's accomplishments, the moments relished, the experiences lived.
My own hands have been used by God to weave a childhood and shape a life, and it seems now, that at the culmination of these precious years in our nest, these work-worn hands of mine are left to hang limply at my side. Unasked for and unneeded.
As the curtain rises on Act 2, I’m finding my seat. I’m no longer on the front row. The years of being behind the scenes, tidying a wayward curl or whispering forgotten lines are coming to a close. And I admit, I am sad to see them go. I’m a few rows back now, watching with pride and hope as others step in to take their places for new seasons of growth and change. Now I cheer from the stands, part of that great crowd of witnesses, shouting my conviction,
“Keep the faith, my son,
Run to win!”
I think of Jacob, wrestling all night with the Angel. In the end, he walked away
with both a blessing...and a limp. It was a long night, but he never stopped wrestling.
He never let go.
I see myself in Jacob.
I, too, leave the arena after a great wrestle; the wrestle of parenting a soul through
his growth from babyhood into manhood. From first steps, to the first kiss; through the
learning of the satisfaction of a job well done, and the discovery of the joys, and sometimes
heartaches, of friendship; the many thoughtful gifts and the learning of some things
the hard way.
Watching in awe as the Savior -
saved YOU.
As He turned your ashes into beauty every time.
Like Jacob, I leave the wrestle of these years.
I leave with a limp. My limp is the pain of Love.
The cost - of Love.
That pain of letting go, and yet knowing I will never be able to completely let go.
Some people make the mistake of living vicariously through their children,
but in doing so they forfeit the living-out of their own life.
Some people live for their children,
cushioning them forever from life’s blows until they stop desiring independence.
And some of us find our way through, to living lovingly alongside them.
Though apron strings must be cut, heart strings will forever bind.
I will forever soar with your joys. And ache with your sorrows.
This is the sometimes painful ‘limp’ of Love.
But as Jacob left with a blessing, I too, leave these years of carrying you -
with a great Blessing.
My blessing is that my son is now a man.
A man who loves. A man who loves deeply and cares for others. A man who is full of
compassion for the hurting. A man full of creativity and abounding with fresh ideas and strong character. A man of God.
A man who will someday go on to love a family of his own with a fierce love that was learned at the knee of his father and mother, gathered into the warm embrace of our family’s love.
This is my blessing.
“Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of ones’s youth." Psalm 127:4
